i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
