I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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