I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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