Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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