...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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