We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
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