1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
