good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
