did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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