Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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