You smell like a Billy Joel song
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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