I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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