I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Houston, we have a squirter
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize