STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
be right there i have to get my cape
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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