just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
