I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
