Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
