I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
