Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
