You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
