you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
