well I can't set my house on fire every night
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
