What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
