He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
