I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
