I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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