Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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