New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
