i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
