It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize