Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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