He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
