i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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