Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
