Someone shit on the floor
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
