You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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