Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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