Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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