Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
