I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I think i peed on brittanys purse
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize