I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
if only i could text you this smell
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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