His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
