I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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