I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
