I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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