why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
