drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
