I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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