Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
