I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
