We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Drunk is not a location!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
