I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
