why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We're not piercing ourselves today.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
