I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
