You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize