I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
