your thong is hanging out like whoa
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He shit in the fireplace
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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