There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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