He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
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