so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
