If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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