If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
