i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
