Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
