We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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