also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
so much tequila, so little girl.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
