im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
