i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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