My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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