dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
