that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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