I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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