My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
