She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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