I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
