she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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