I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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