is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
