Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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