My hair reeks of homosexuality.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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