It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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