a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
