Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
