She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
