Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
