oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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