he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
