So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
