Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
