im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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