I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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