So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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