; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
