I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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