His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
